Speaker of the House John Boehner was among the first whose heart left him, issuing the statement that, "our hearts and our prayers go out to those in Oklahoma who are victimized by this storm." The heart of RNC Chairman Reince Priebus shattered before abandoning its owner; he declared on behalf of the GOP, "Our broken hearts go out to the families mourning the loss of their loved ones in Oklahoma."
|Moore, OK, after the tornado (AP).|
Republican cookie-cutter statements were answered from across the aisle by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev). Reid noted the absence of hearts among Democrats and augmented the melodrama with a moment of silence. He stated, "Our hearts go out to the families whose loved ones were lost, injured or missing in the devastating tornadoes in Oklahoma.” Representative John Larson (D-CT) also chimed in stating, “Our hearts go out to Oklahoma."
Even relatively minor branches of both political parties were left heartless in the aftermath of the disaster. Chairman of the Hawaiian Republican Party, David S. Chang issued a statement that, "Our hearts go out to all those affected by the tragic events that occurred in Oklahoma over the last 24 hours." Democratic activists "Democracy for America" solemnly posted on Facebook, "Our hearts go out to the people of Oklahoma and everyone affected by the devastating tornadoes."
Quasi obligatory expressions of grief trickled in from even less likely places as hearts flew out of chests from even further afield. For instance, Michael Siegal, chair of the Jewish Federations of North America Board of Trustees issued the statement that, “Our hearts go out to all those who were in the path of this disaster and who are grieving the loss of their loved ones.” Even Executive Director of the U.S.-New Zealand Forum Stephen Jacobi stated, “Our hearts go out to the people of Oklahoma.”
The outpouring of routine, clichéd grief reportedly overwhelmed Oklahomans, who were unaware before the disaster that so many Americans from all walks of life would be prepared to issue empty statements on their behalf. The government meanwhile continued to function normally despite the absence of living, beating hearts in the chests of politicians across the country. Deliberations were being held in Moore, OK, about what to do with the mountain of shriveled, useless hearts now clogging the disaster area.
|Senator Tom Coburn (R-OK) definitely does not endorse FEMA.|
Nope, out of the question.
In a joint statement, they declared that, for the good of all Oklahomans, they would reject any and all federal aid for the areas devastated by the tornado. "It's important that the citizens of Oklahoma are not tempted to join that 47% of Americans who think the government should pay their way," Senator Coburn stated. "Haven't you ever read The Grapes of Wrath?" he asked reporters. "We Oklahomans can take care of ourselves."